Since January 2010, I have either been pregnant, nursing, or both. Of course, that was until January 6 of this year. That is when I had surgery to remove Henry Thomas from my belly. It is a huge adjustment to make. I have been doing well for the most part. Nighttime is difficult. The sun sets, Conner is in bed, and I'm tired from the day. My mind tends to wander and I think about all the shattered dreams. The morning comes, and my spirit is renewed when I see my sweet Conner's face. I know I am biased, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that he is the most precious little boy in the entire world. Conner is perfection. He is walking all the time now. He is talking a little more every day. So far he is up to Mama, Dada, Cat and Car (both sounding like "Ca"), Ba- for bubbles and bababalloons, and he is trying really hard to say MuMaw. He has a wonderful sense of humor (he gets that from me), he has a very serious, thoughtful side (he gets that from his Dada), and he will refuse any other food before him if there is a french fry in sight (also from his Dada). He is VERY smart. We have stacking blocks and he stacks them in order of size.
Look at this angel. I love him.
We have been staying very busy. Two weeks ago Conner and I each had a good friend from Charlotte come to visit and keep us company. It was needed and I am so thankful for them.
Our friends kept us very busy and we were very sad to see them go. We had a lot of fun going on a carousel, a train, and going to the aquarium!
We have also been to see PuPaw in Raleigh and to visit Grandma, Grandpa, and Great-Grandma in Detroit!
Despite all of our sadness, not a day goes by that Conner does not make us laugh out loud.
We received some bittersweet news tonight. I spoke to the nurse from my doctor's office, and all of my test results came back normal. Translation: we will never know what happened to Henry Thomas. That is the bitter. The sweet is that once everything is physically healed and we are mentally ready, we can try again for another baby. The physical won't take long, but the mental feels like it could be an eternity. I'm going to a support group next week for parents of babies who died before or shortly after birth. I'm really looking forward to connecting to other parents who are dealing with the same thing. It's a loss you can only really understand by suffering though it.
I went off of Facebook for a while. It's just too painful to be on there right now. I do miss seeing how everyone is doing and seeing pictures others post! I'll do whatever it takes to heal. Until the next update...
