30th Birthday...no longer a big deal...

Yesterday I turned 30.  It was a sad birthday for me.  We got home from Louisville on Sunday.  The service for Henry Thomas was beautiful.  It was short and lovely.  Many loved ones came and Graham and I had a lot of support.  The weather, although cold, was beautiful.  My little Henry is at rest now with my wonderful Nanny, and that gives me peace.  I'm filled with sadness though.  Two weeks ago today I thought my baby boy was healthy and growing in my belly.  I wish so badly I could go back to that day, but I suppose it wouldn't change anything.  Saturday evening, after the service, we were planning to join our family for dinner at a restaurant we have treasured for decades.  Unfortunately, an already sad occassion turned evil and vile when we all came down with a violent stomach bug.  Talk about getting kicked when you're already down.  We got home safely and we are all on the mend now, physically anyway.

On our first day home, the house became a garden.  We have gotten so many lovely flowers and they are all beautiful!  Our friends and family have been so generous and kind.  Some were sympathy flowers, others were birthday flowers, and some were a combination of the two.  Today we checked the mail and there were a ton of sympathy and birthday cards.  They all mean so much.  I especially appreciate those who say they will never forget Henry Thomas.  My biggest fear is that as time goes on, he will become a distant memory who never gets mentioned.  To me, Graham, and Conner, he is a part of our family, our 2nd son, and the baby brother.

Although my birthday passed with little celebration, I have spent the last 2 weeks surrounded by love and that's what really matters.  I was treated to a pedicure by a good friend, and that helped to brighten the day a bit.  :)  I also got 2 deliveries of cupcakes from Jilly's Cupcakery.  Those are in the freezer and will be enjoyed when senstivie tummies are able to handle them!

When the sad moments hit me, all I have to do is look at my wonderful baby boy Conner and I smile.

I know that life goes on for him, and I have to make sure each day is special and wonderful.  We will get through this and we will make sure to keep the memory of Henry alive in us all.  It's just going to be a long road.